Home Sweet Home!

We made it!  We are all so happy to be home!  What a long trip, but sooo worth bringing our Ainsley girl home!  Many prayers were answered in a smooth, safe trip home.  Ainsley did really well with traveling.  Out of our 16 hours of flying, I think she slept about 8-9 hours, and was happy for the most part! What a blessing that she can sleep just about anywhere!

Thank you, Thank you for praying us through this trip!  And for welcoming us home in many ways!

God is so faithful!  One thing that has stuck out to me is that regardless of the circumstances in our life, He remains the same!  Unlike my adventurous husband, I am a person who is not a big fan of change, risk, or adventure... so I cling to that fact that God remains the same!
As some of you know, the past year has been a difficult one as far as our adoption process.  It's too long to go into detail, but let's just say there have been many difficult moments, when it was hard to see how God was working, or what His plan could possibly be?
As I looked back, I realized that exactly one year ago today,
July 12, 2013 was the day we submitted our "LOI" (letter of intent) for a little girl, who we had been matched with. Unbeknownst to us at that time, there were glitches with China's new computer system.  We were 1 of 3 families matched up with the same little girl.  She was not meant to be ours. At that point it was heartbreaking to Greg and I, and our kids to "lose" this little one we had already opened our hearts to.  Why would God show us this little one...who was not meant to be ours?  It seemed like a cruel joke.  Yep, I was angry and disappointed.  That night Ellie took the picture- she had labeled, "my sister!" off her bedroom wall and tucked it in her drawer, while we decided, that maybe God showed her to us- so that we could pray for her.  Then came more painful waiting, along with getting our hopes up and then getting our hopes crushed, in the process... up until this Spring when we saw Ainsley!
Today, exactly a year later, we arrived home with our sweet Ainsley!  What a gift she is to our family!!  I still don't know why God chose to lead us down this winding path, but I do know I trust Him more. I saw God's care in many ways...in keeping me as a children's leader in BSF last fall(even though I told them I could only start the year because we were adopting very soon...or so I thought)  God knows despite my good intentions, I need accountability to stay in His word.  Through BSF, I heard God gently reminding me to focus on Him, not on my circumstances.  I heard Him telling me that "even when I don't know why, or can't understand how, I can still trust the Who!"  I read again that "His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are higher...", how "He goes before us and behind us and hems us in". He was helping me "be still", not by my own strength, but through His.  He encouraged me on a particularly difficult morning, when 3 different toddlers in our class at different times, blessed me with a "tight-squeeze hug" just out of the blue.  He surrounded me with others who were faithfully seeking Him, even when they couldn't understand His plan.  When I look back I can see God's grace!  Why do I share all this?  Because this is my "pile of stones", the place where I want to be able to look back and remember God's faithfulness.

Just as Ainsley couldn't possibly see the big picture of joining our family or what that means.  I know I cannot see God's big picture yet for us, but He is helping me trust in Him- and the peace that He
gives is something I don't want to live without.

I can see God knitting Ainsley into our hearts, and into our family in a way that only He can.

Dear Ainsley,
You are a miracle!
We have and continue to fall more in love with you each day, Ainsley Hope! 
Your Mommy and Daddy love you more than words can say!! 
When we see your eyes light up,or your arms reach out to us, it fills our hearts with joy and we thank God that we get to be your parents!  Your big sisters are just crazy about you and I can see your big brothers being pretty protective of you already!  You are just starting to let us into your heart, and we love seeing more of who you are- who God created you to be, each day! 
You really are brave, tiny one!  God has great things in store for you, Ainsley...
This is our prayer for you:
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you, Ainsley with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...
Ephesians 3

I know there are many of you that have or are going through much more difficult things than what we have experienced in this last year...I  pray that God will especially encourage you today through His word, His faithfulness and His unchanging love!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart...

...and lean not on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

Where to start?
There is so much to process here.

 

 

 

Yesterday was a full day with a visit to Ainsley's orphanage.  We have no words yet really to describe that... it's too hard to comprehend.  Just to give you an idea, there are 800 children in the orphanage where Ainsley lived.  80-90 percent of these children have special needs.  It's hard not to ask "why?" and "how will this work out for good?" even though this facility seemed quite modern and overall pretty organized, with polite staff.






We also were able to go to Ainsley's finding spot, and it was raining as we got there- which just seemed so appropriate.  So many feelings that brings- curiosity about the story that brought Ainsley here, thankfulness for a parent or parents who chose life for Ainsley, sadness for the hole it must have left in their hearts, prayers that somehow God will touch their hearts and give them a peace about their child, and make Himself known to them.

Our day ended with running through a thunderstorm to a restaurant near our hotel, trying to order in Chinese.  And...let's just say it was an adventure:)

Today started with a trip to the U.S. Consulate where we took an oath for adopting, and tried to take care of our final paperwork.
It's hard to explain the details, but there was a problem in getting Ainsley's passport in time.  We were very down to the wire waiting for signatures from officials, and literally running(praying all the while) in and out of buildings between the Consulate, Passport Office, and Medical Exam Clinic... to beat the deadline of noon.  If we did not get this done before noon, it would have delayed our departure here.  Our guide, Eva is incredibly helpful.  And we are praising God tonight, that He worked out the details, and we made it just in time...so that after we pick up Ainsley's visa Thursday afternoon, we will still be able to leave China at our scheduled time Friday morning!  Yay!



Guess who is loving being a big sister?

For our last night here in Guangzhou, we were able to have dinner at Lucy's on Shamian Island (and actually sit at the same table we did eight years ago with Ellie!) Then we enjoyed a beautiful night with a boat ride on the Pearl River.  It is so different here, the cities are just huge, surrounded by skyscrapers and unbelievable lights everywhere.  When we were here eight years ago, there were so many bikes, now you see only a few bikes and cars everywhere in the city.  And people, I can't even explain to you how many people there are everywhere we go!

Lucy's



Our boat ride on the Pearl River
 

And little Miss Ainsley is showing us more of herself each day.  We even saw her temper yesterday:)  So we take that as a good sign that she feels comfortable enough to be upset with us ;) 

Even better, we heard Ainsley giggle for the first time last night!   She thought it was pretty funny to see Ellie doing cartwheels. 

 

Thank you for all the messages for Ainsley! 

They will be a treasure to her someday when she can understand! 

 

Full Hearts...

  
Greg and the kids arrived safely back to Guangzhou here yesterday!  I am a very thankful girl to have everyone back in one place!!  Ainsley and I were both thrilled to see them!  She never missed a beat with them, even though they had been gone a few days.
Yesterday, we just enjoyed being together and hung out at the pool.
Today, it was back to the passport office, because there were a few snags with that.  It should be fine though!  Then we went to Shamian Island which is where we were with Ellie 8 years ago, and saw some of those places with her.  It's still very pretty, but has changed a lot though.  We were able to do a little shopping there.  It's always enjoyable to see Greg barter in a different country, all the while speaking different languages. 
We thoroughly enjoyed a lunch from Subway today!  We do like most of the Chinese food here,(well maybe not the whole fish on a platter looking right at us, but ya know!)  Subway was definitely a welcome change for us!
Ainsley is a bit under the weather yet, with a cold.  So we're praying that doesn't get any worse for her.
We are so privileged to be getting to know Ainsley a little better each day! 
I may sound like a broken record, but it's true...we are beyond grateful for faithful prayer warriors and for our God who hears!  We definitely could not do this on our own!!
**Can we ask you a favor?  If you are willing, to please leave a comment, so that Ainsley may know someday all those who have been praying on her behalf!  We will eventually be making this blog into a book for her, and what a gift it would be for her to see God's love (through His people) for her- before they even met her!  It can even be just your name if you like.  I believe the easiest way to comment is to select commenting as "anonymous" - enter your comment and please just sign your name, so Ainsley can know who you are.  If that doesn't work for you, you can also leave a message to me on facebook or to robinkerkstra@gmail.com.  Thank you!!

Such a sweetheart!

 

Safe in her big brother's arms!

Bri has waited a long time for this, with her littlest sis!

Love these five!

Walking on Shamian Island

Who knew Subway could taste sooo good!?!

"God will make a way, when there seems to be no way..."

View of Guangzhou from our hotel room

The gardens at our hotel-The Garden Hotel

This morning started out pretty rough.  Ainsley woke up with a croup cough.  So we decided to stay put at the hotel and had a free day today, to give her a break.  But as the day went on, things became increasingly better!  She ate almost two jars of babyfood! If you could have been here 2 days or even a day ago, she was adamant about not eating and I would have never guessed that she would be eating anything other than formula, so this was just amazing to see! Thank you Lord, is all I could say! We are heading in the right direction.  We also tried a different way for her to drink her formula with a squeeze bottle that seemed to be less frustrating for her.  After a good nap for Ainsley, we went to the pool and were able to visit with a couple other adoptive families that we have met here.  Ainsley enjoyed the water and even had a few smiles! 

 

"See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the desert."

Isaiah 43:19

After Ainsley's first real meal..not sure if this video will work or not? 

Sunshine...

Well, today started with a trip to the Guangdong Folk Art Museum.  And it was hot!
Ainsley was not a big fan of the museum.
After a very "interesting" cab ride, where we were literally squeezed between two very large buses on either side of us, both by only inches.  Among many other close calls, I learn to just close my eyes...I guess you get used to this?
We had a rough lunch, most of it with me trying to get Ainsley to eat.  Honestly, I was getting quite discouraged... there are so many absolute miracles and blessings to give thanks for, and at the same time this is just plain hard.  We keep reminding ourselves that this is a marathon and Ainsley has only been with us a few days. 

Then by God's grace,  He sent a few rays of sunshine into our afternoon...
Ainsley was standing up in her crib and playing after her nap.
She was picking up toys on her own, and stacking blocks.
She turned the pages of a book on her own.
She looked right up and smiled.
She ate 2 "puffs" (like cheerios) with Mom's help, and tried to drink out of a sippy cup!
Tonight she was initiating peek a boo, and clapping her hands with me...
Ainsley is 2, but we had seen none of these things yet...so it was pure joy to see!  

Greg and the 4 big kids will be seeing the Pandas tomorrow, and flying back here Sunday morning.  Whew, Ainsley and I will both be very happy to see them!!

And this verse, I'm  just so very thankful for these promises God gives!
Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Guangzhou is beautiful with flowers everywhere!
 Ainsley's Chinese name- Yu Lan means flower.

Ainsley turning pages in her book :)

 

Our sweet girl!

Just a Thursday in China... with Ainsley:)

We have been in China for a week now, somehow it feels much longer than that! 
Today we started with Ainsley's medical appointment.  It's a very quick appointment, ending with bloodwork... but she was a trooper!  She is 30 inches tall and only 18 pounds.  Yes, we sure are anxious for her to be able to eat more!

Greg and the 4 big kids are on an excursion for a couple days (since this trip is also a heritage trip for Ellie)  They are in Xian and had a great day seeing the Terra Cotta Warriors and then they're off  to Chengdu to see the Pandas.  When they left, Ainsley started to cry and was reaching for Greg.  It feels very strange to go from the togetherness of 7 of us, to just 2!  Not so sure I like it.... but it has been good one on one time for Ainsley and I.  We also have a wonderful guide named Eva who is a huge help with all the paperwork, appointments and everything!

Big news today: Ainsley let me brush her teeth, and she happily sat in a highchair!  We are celebrating every milestone here! 

*Thank you so much for all the prayers, and messages of encouragement!  It really helps to feel not so far away! 

At our medical exam

Cooling off by the pool, more importantly eye contact!  Yay!



My date for dinner :)

Ordinary Moments = God's Extraordinary Grace

That phrase(ordinary moments = God's extraordinary grace) has been going through my mind since I heard it a couple weeks ago at church.
As I'm feeding Ainsley, or watching the kids play with her, tucking her in her bed, giving her a bath, just walking with her grasping my finger. Seeing Ainsley reach her arms out for Greg to hold her for the first time,(and then watching him melt).  I find myself thinking of all the times we didn't get to do this for the first 2 years of her life.  And it makes me sad for what we missed...but also so very aware of the miracle these everyday, ordinary moments are!  Slowing down and seeing how God gives so many gifts in these things makes me think of how very much I take for granted.
This is such a bittersweet time.  I see Ainsley working very hard through her grief, and trying to trust us.  She is sleeping well and a lot- I think she is just plain exhausted from all the newness of everything.  My heart sank for her this morning when she woke up, and you could see the realization of everything come over her and just those sad eyes.
Don't get me wrong, there are also a few smiles- especially for the kids! 
I feel like God is trying to teach me a lot (again) along the way here...
when I'm longing for Ainsley to curl up in my arms, when I pick her up- yet in reality she is stiffening up and won't look at me.  And I try to tell her in words and actions just how much we love her already and want her to know that.  Then..I hear God whispering in my ear- Robin, this is how I feel when I long for you to receive my love.  But sometimes you're so busy, so self reliant, so full of pride, so afraid, that you try to do this "life" on your own.  I'm so thankful that He meets us where we are, and doesn't wait for me to get it right!  Praying that Ainsley will not only receive our love, but God's love for her and His hand on her life!

So sorry for the trouble with the comments on this blog!  It should be fixed now- there was a problem on our end.

Jordan reading to Ainsley
 

Nathan loving on Ainsley
 

Ainsley loves her stickers...thanks Boverhofs!

Daddy helping Ainsley by the pool

Baby Steps

 

This is Bri writing for today(: Ainsley has adjusted amazingly and we praise God because of His beautiful work. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement, they are a blessing for all of us! This morning she finished off a bottle and had another bottle at lunch time. We are so glad that she is getting food in her little body! Another stepping stone for us today was walking. Yesterday, she wasn't sure about it and just wanted to be held. But today was a different story, she took off walking and pulling Ellie behind her. It was adorable to watch Ainsley not let go of Ellie's hand and walk.

 

 

If you look closely in every picture Ainsley holds on tight to her keys. The day we met her, we gave her the keys to play with and she will only let go of them when she sleeps or eats. She rarely lets go of them. In fact, she is holding them as she sleeps now. Everyday presents new things for little miss Ainsley, a hotel, a pool, a restaurant and much more. After all the paperwork was finished for the day, I was more than happy to cuddle up with Ainsley and a book.

To quote Ellie, "I'm so glad she is my sister!"



Welcome to the family, Ainsley Hope!

Wow....we are mush.
Sooo happy to have our little girl sleeping here next to us!
Today went amazingly well.  Ainsley walked in to meet us at the Civil Affairs office.  We were able to hold her for the next hour while we talked to her caregivers and did paperwork.  Initially, she was quite shy and understandably overwhelmed with all of us... but consolable.    Later back in our hotel room, we saw all smiles with a bath.  And then more tears(silent tears) that break our hearts.  It's so hard to see Ainsley's sadness, although we know this is a healthy thing in the long run...that she was attached to her caring nanny.  She won't drink a bottle from us yet, and apparently hasn't eaten any solid foods at all.  She is a tiny little peanut.  Praying that tomorrow she will take a bottle.  But for tonight, we have so, so much we are praising God for!  Having all 4 of our big kids here has been a huge help, we are amazed at their hearts!! 

Beijing!

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go." Genesis 28:15
What an amazing God we serve!

It's  a sunny Sunday morning here.  We made it to Beijing with no problems.  We just haven't been able to post, because Google along with Facebook is restricted here.  But, thanks to Scott Woltjer, who can fix anything, we now can! 
The kids are doing great.  This is bringing back many memories for Greg and I, as we're staying at the same place we did 8 years ago.
We have been able to visit many places here... our favorites being the Great Wall, and a visit to a family's home in a local "hutong" (neighborhood) by rickshaw, along with the acrobat show.  It was 104 degrees here yesterday,(Ellie almost melted :)) hot but clear blue skies without much smog- which is rare here. 
Tonight we fly to Guangzhou...tomorrow morning we meet Ainsley!!!
Thank you for your prayers!! 

I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.  John 14:18

This is the first verse I heard Sunday Morning...What a promise God gives to us! It's more than I can comprehend that our Heavenly Father adopts us into His family, loves us unconditionally, offers us forgiveness freely through Jesus, even rejoices over us. And it's ONLY through Him that we are blessed to be on this journey to Ainsley,  thus the title of this page...Only through His Love....not to us Oh Lord, but to Your name be glory!!

We are on our way to Chicago, and overwhelmed with God's grace at how He has worked out all the details. We are truly humbled by all of your prayers, kind words, and notes of encouragement! Thank you! 

If all goes as planned we will arrive in Beijing Thursday evening (Beijing time is 12 hours ahead of us), where we will be staying until Sunday. We will then fly to Guangzhou on Sunday evening, and hope to meet Ainsley on Monday morning!